My divorce was final in Oct. I was married to my husband for four years, together for 14 years. Me 29yof he 31yom. No kids. He is the only man I ever loved. I initialed the split and filed for divorce. I still question if that was a mistake. It seems like once our problems were out in the open and the divorce threat came out the escalation to divorce went really quick. (First time in our 14 year relationship the d word ever came out of either of our mouths). Long story short I did a lot in our relationship, and became resentful of him. I began to emotionally detach myself. He went through several surgeries and could not work. Became insecure jealous and controlling. We didn?t have fun together, he never made time for me, our physical relationship went downhill. I was no longer physically attracted to him. We began seeing a mc, things got even worse. He would go out every night to lord only knows where drank too much, would come home drunk and start fights he didn?t even remember the next day. I was not even willing to try to put any effort in to save our marriage, as far as I was concerned I had done enough already. (I really regret that now). While he was unemployed he began helping a lot more around the house. Now our roles were reversed, he saw my side of things. Felt bad when I didn?t appreciate things he did for our household. I felt like welcome to my world honey, kinda sux, don?t it. (Childish I know). But that is how our relationship was, we got together when we were just teenagers and never learned to deal with each other as adults. I needed some time away and told him I wanted to move out for a while to get things in perspective and learn to deal with each other differently. Even tried to talk to him about staying with a friend of a friend as a roommate for a while so I didn?t have to sign a lease and could still help with bills. He wanted no part of this and said if I moved out we were done. Continued with MC, I was living in the basement for a few months before the stress of living under the same roof in these circumstances was just too much to bear. I found a place and moved out, we got in a huge fight he threw stuff and pretty much just would not talk to me after that. When I was moving out he made me give him my key and said it was not my house anymore. If I tried to come there he would change the locks. I filed for divorce two weeks later. (Still not sure that was the right decision). That was in July.
Anyway fast forward 7 months. I am dating someone new who adores me. He moved a girl into the home I am still on the mortgage for, but not welcome in, I think around September. He can?t get it out of my name for credit and proof of income reasons. He didn?t want me to know he was living with her and that it was for financial reasons. Still says he misses me and I was the love of his life. I am just having such a hard time, I feel guilty for not honoring my marriage vows. I am all over the place with this new guy. He wants to move me in and says he wants me to be his wife and mother of his children, but I can?t help but feel like we are missing some of the stuff I had with my ex husband. I was with my ex for so long that we did everything together we shopped, watched movies, cooked, cleaned, had the same friends and it all just seemed to flow because we grew up and formed these habits together. I just can?t settle into life with this new guy, he does everything different. I am left wondering if I will ever find the kind of love I had with my ex. I miss his sense of humor and the things we did together. I cry all the time over the silliest things. He was my best friend, this new guy just doesn?t get me sometimes. Now I think how did life get in the way of something so special? How will I ever adapt to someone new? I still don?t know if me and my ex husband could have ever worked things out. I do feel like me moving out has done what I needed it to do. I see things so much clearer now and feel like I have a lot better perspective on why we were having problems. So I think I was right to need a break, but that break was a deal breaker for him. So why do I still love him? Why when he was such a bad partner for so long and just let me deal with everything by myself do I still miss him so much? Even now he complains about how hard his life if without me. When he says he misses me I feel like it has more to do with him having to fend for himself both financially and on the home front than it is about really missing me. When I ask if he even knows why I left he says because you don?t like me anymore. He is still so clueless to the fact I needed a partner not a dependent. All my family says I made the right decision and that he was never going to step up unless I forced him, and he still to this day blames me leaving him for his current struggles. For the first time in so long I am doing well finacially. So if I see and know all of this, he doesn?t provide, drinks too much and so on. (Why would I bring a kid into that). Why can?t I move on? I want to be a wife and a mother, but I still feel heartbroken! Please help maybe I should leave my boyfriend to be open to a reconciliation? What do you do when you can?t make it work the only man you ever loved, but still can?t stop loving him? Side note what I was lacking in the sex department of my marriage I have with my boyfriend, but what I had in my marriage with intimacy I am lacking in my new relationship. Why do relationships have to be soooooooo complicated?..
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