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| Cliff noted version... My son 20 y/o has a break down due to his girlfriend leaving him... It all comes out. He is addicted to Oxy. I am building my list of questions and trying to decide what route to take. He is really depressed already due to relationship issues, so I am concerned about adding the stress of trying to detox him "cold turkey" at home. I am debating taking him to the family doctor. He feels like a complete failure. I would say borderline suicidal due to the multiple issues. He has admitted spending approx 50 day for the Oxy. I am going with him (everywhere he goes as well) to drop is summer class. More to follow. |
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| Hi C..... Welcome to the forum and my hope for you is that your son wants to get clean.... You see that is the key. I am 45, but I was your son to a degree. I used in college, I lost everything. My credit, my education at the time. One thing I did have was my parents to give me a blanket and fix everything while I "got better". Although I did feel the WD, I never felt one consequence. Everything was fixed for me, all the checks I bounced were paid eventhough I got the pointy finger of my father when he said "don't do that again",,, Uhm Ok Dad, sniff sniff, I promise. I went to rehab to detox and when I came home, my room was clean, my meals were hot and I was welcomed with open arms....... My point is, I did not want to quit, I just wanted to give the illusion that I did.. When you are looking for a solution, look for a life solution that has a very finite list of demands and a zero tolerance with mistakes. If he is just on opiates, I would look up the Thomas recipe and have him use that so he feels the WD so he does not ever want to go through it again. Lastly, I would make sure the is a structured support system in place so the when the physical part is over, he has someone to help him build a foundation so that he can continue his life without using.... a life that is going to have many losses and he needs to be taught the means to get through loss without using.. I wish I would have done that in my 20's. So take it from someone who was there and is now clean, What may be hard to do now as a parent might save his life, and it might save him years of using. Keep posting and I wish you well............Reid |
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| THOMAS RECIPE If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better. For the Recipe, You'll need: 1. Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others. 2. Imodium (over the counter, any drug or grocery store). 3. L-Tyrosine (500 mg caps) from the health food store. 4. Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper, Magnesium and Potassium (you may not find the potassium in the same supplement). 5. Vitamin B6 caps. 6. Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available). How to use the recipe: Start the vitamin/mineral supplement right away (or the first day you can keep it down), preferably with food. Potassium early in the detox is important to help relieve RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). Bananas are a good source of potassium if you can't find a supplement for it. Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst WD symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5. During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate WD symptom. Use the Imodium aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. Don't take it, however, if you don't need it. At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate WD malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine. Try 2000 mgs, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mgs. Take the L-Tyrosine with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate WD, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help. Continue to take the vitamin/mineral supplement with breakfast. As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better. Thomas" |
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| Thanks for the quick replies. Reid.. I am treating this situation with kids gloves due to my son's depression with the relationship etc... Taking away some of the mountain of concerns he has currently is needed to focus on kicking the addiction, and removing some of the elements stacking up to suicide potential. I'm not your typical nose wiping parent. I was active duty at age 17 got out after 20+ He will me heavy monitored by myself and his mother. I need to find out more about a structured support system. Ok... Things to do. I will check-in later. Thanks for the recipe. |
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| Oh your post made me cry. You are SUCH a great dad... absolutely inspiring. I admire how supportive you are of your son- and you do not at all sound like a "nose wiping dad." You need to focus on getting your son stable... get him to a point of good health and well being. The Thomas Recipe is a great way to help with the withdrawal feelings... he will still feel pretty miserable, but it helps to a degree. Please know that addicts will suffer more after the physical aspects of withdrawal are complete... we want those drugs- they make us feel better- our bodies tell us we need them to feel good. This goes on for a bit- not forever... but it's there. Please know that your son will do most anything to get a hold of "one" pill when he's going through withdrawal and then during the mental part as well... I've heard over and over again- never trust an addict. It's true... at least for a while. I know when I was addicted and then subsequently when I got clean I would have done most anything to get ahold of my DOC (drug of choice). Just focus one thing at a time- and get him to a doctor. He needs some help with the psychological aspect of things... especially the depression- because I'll tell you this much... quitting oxy will mess with his brain like no other- and I worry it will push him over the edge. Much love and many positive thoughts your way... keep posting- most of us here are going through this right now or have gone through it in the past. We are all different ages, races, etc... and most of us are parents- including the addicts. You can learn a lot from us addicts- we know what your son is going through in terms of his drug addiction and are always here to help. |
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I can't stress enough that he seek medical help if you think he is suicidal. You said you put in 20+ years in the military so I assume you recieved full retiremtent benefits. This means that detox, rehab and mental health services are covered benefits for your son. He is covered until age 21 without being a full time student. Reading here will educate you more about drugs than you ever thought you would know. It will also provide you with a great support system! I wish you the best! |
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| ScottyC. I do respect your opinion and your decision to go the Kid gloves route. I just wanted to give you some perspective. I wish you well and please know we are here to help anyway we can. I too am in the family of Active Military (still active). All my best, ......Reid |
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| I really do appreciate the advice. My short reply may not have sent the right message. That message being, My son's biggest fear with coming to me with this bombshell, was a concern that I would toss him out. He is doing much better today all considering. He is VERY relieved to have all this off his chest knowing he has full support. My paying off his debt, and relieving him of summer college class I believe was key. He was very chatting, and very open to all details except who he was getting the pills from. He has a doctors appt in the morning. I have to decide if/how to approach this with the DR. Not that I expect it would ever matter for him, but having that info in my medical record would have disqualified me for some of my duties in the Military. I do not what this to limit him in any way in the future. Most of our talks were in prep for what will be expected in the near future. He remained proactive througout. A long discussion on self improvement needs to be the primary goal after detox. I signed up for a family membership at the YMCA. He played soccer at a very high level for years, he never had time for this type of BS then... He fell apart last night feeling like a complete failure. He has agreed with my terms and conditions (I know he will want his freedom back in a few weeks), We will fight that battle at some point down the road I'm sure. He will not be returning to his previous job. I have plenty of chores than need to be accomplished around the house, and he knows what he owes me finacially. He can work it off while we have piece of mind. My wife works at home on her own schedule (very helpful). When he gets too stir crazy, I can send him down to S FL to visit family. He is looking foreward to the change of scenery. Just no time soon. I should add, I am precribed Lortab. I am a day user (not abuser) for years now, neck, back and knees. (sucks getting old). I have run out of my pills and have had a taste of what he will experience. Mainly the inablility to sleep, diarrhea, wornout aching feeling. My pills are locked up in a safe at all times. I offered him one today when we couldn't get in to see the doctor. He turned it own. I will see how he is doing tonight. I hope the hot tub and an ambien will help him get some sleep. Because if he's not sleeping, we won't be either. I've got to run, no time to spell check. Keep it coming. -Scotty |
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You're doing a great job keeping on top of him and making sure he knocks this thing out of the park. I wish the world had more dad's like you. I wish you the best! I'll be keeping up with this thread. |
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| Scotty, it sounds like medical attention could cause some major issues due to the documentation. I understand that since my medical attention for my addiction 5 years ago did come back to haunt me a little bit. In my case, I was going to daily meetings as well as an inpatient program, and the truth is I didn't learn anything in the inpatient program that I didn't already learn in meetings. Oxy is no joke, and it is on a whole different level from Lortab IMO, so withdrawl could be tough. But, he can get through it - I've never tried the Thomas recipe, but I've heard nothing but good things about it. Like others have mentioned, the important part will be that he wants to quit. That's a good sign that he spilled the beans on a lot of stuff to you as now you will know what to watch for. I hope that he really wants it, and if he does, I hope he continues to want it. The fact is the chance of long term success is low without some kind of long term program that he can work for the rest of his life. I can't imagine having an oxy addiction at such a young age. But, it can be done - it will be a tough road for everyone in the home. Good luck, and please keep us posted. CH
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Sleep is the last thing return, it can take over a month. Each night gets better, but it is not the same sleep that a non-addict experiences. The Thomas Recipe helps some but it is by no means a miracle. That and your support may be enough to get him through this and I hope it is! With that said, I have to return to your suicidal comment. Please don't take that situation lightly. From personal experience, I can tell you it is not pleasant to experience the death of a loved one from suicide. It leaves so many questions and so many feelings of guilt and remorse. .....You might feel like it could never happen to your family. I can promise you, my family felt the same way. And then it happened.....with so many un-answered questions. You say that you don't want that in the medical history to prevent his "future" ... which I totally understand, BUT, what exactly are you gonna tell your primary doctor? Why are you there? By telling your primary doctor his situation, do you think that will NOT be in his record? Just because it is not a specialist, does not mean the "diagnosis" is not in his "history". If you suspect suicide, get the help that is needed and don't worry what a potential employer thinks. I truly wish the best for you! |
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I've seen too much suicide. Not in may immediate family, but too many military family crushed. My son broke down today when we discussed the impact of the selfish action results in. Today his apologize and thanks you's have been frequent and sincere. Things are going well all considering, but I do remain very guarded. I went to work of a few hours. Spoke with my boss/good friend. He is aware and supportive of what I about to begin. The doctor think is not a real concern when compared to result's. Getting the help needed is my only goal. Last night I was on suicide watch. I was very concerned. It would be naive "all is well 24 hours later". I will remain hypersensitive. He is still riding the emotional roller coaster. I large portion of what he claimed lead him to considering suicide was how he felt like such a failure, and did not want to face me and his mother with his addiction and financial burden. That has been removed from the equation, and he know knows we are 100% in support. He feels much better having all that out in the open. He is dealing with the relationship issues as expected... We were just watching a movie together. A girl in the movie you has a boyfriend kissed another guy. This triggered his current concern. So the things that should be bothering him, are... And the items a wanted off his shoulders are now gone. He is talking about things more openly than I expected. Thanks again all for the words of support and experience. I'm off to bed. |
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| Scotty, I strongly urge you and your wife to attend some Alanon or Naranon meetings, as it's a tricky process, dealing with an addict in the family. What the world sees as a loving, supportive parent, an addict sees quite differently. I know I'm the dissenting viewpoint on this thread, so I won't write at length what I'm seeing that concerning - and start a debate. Trust me, i work in a long-term treatment center with addicts and family members. The idea that you offered him a lortab, knowing full well that he's detoxing off oxys, is seriously alarming. (Think about it this way, if he were an alcoholic, detoxing off alcohol, would you offer him a shot of whiskey?) The idea of paying off his credit card debt may sound like a good plan, when looking at a "normal" situation with a depressed child - but, with an addict, that's enabling. And enabling can be lethal. Addicts are masters of manipulation - that's not a judgement call, that's just an inate piece of this disease. As long as he can convince you of how fragile he is, he knows you'll soften every blow coming his way. Sadly, the only way an addict becomes committed to stopping is when they feel the full consequences of their drug use. When others step in (i.e., enablers) and ease them past the problems that their drug use created, no consequence is felt. I know you love him and want to help and support him. Your motives are pure. But you need to learn more about the intricacies of this disease, as the most well-meaning of parents often add more to the problem, quite unknowingly. For example, paying off his debt wasn't necessary at this point in time. Paying the minimum possible to keep the vultures from stressing him would have sufficed. There's good reason why an integral part of the 12-steps of AA and NA include "making amends" for what we've done. "Making amends" frequently means paying the debts we created while using. It's part of the healing process. Sorry that my opinion isn't the popular one, but I share what I know, from my heart. Through Alanon or Naranon, designed specifically for the loved ones of an addict, you can learn how best to truly help your son to build a lasting recovery. God bless - I'll keep you and your son in my prayers, |
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